There is a Gold Digger in Every Kenyan Gal

A German friend of mine put me in an awkward position recently. Having hooked up a Kenyan gal on Afrointroductions.com, he wanted my advice on how to relate with her. The cultural difference meant that he had to be careful on the speed, intimacy, and expectations of his new date.

I had to rack my nerves over just what makes Kenyan gals different from the rest of the world. I was tempted to tell him I don’t know. But then, I am a Kenyan and ought to know better. He turned to Google but no sites had sufficient info on the subject. That meant I was the only resource available.

Never before has a situation demanded that I analyze the general characteristics, nuances, psyche and personality of Kenyan gals as a whole. What one word describes Kenyan gals in general?

Apart from the tribal stereotypes and myths, I have never cared to scrutinize my numerous experiences dating Kenyan bimbos. To make it worse, I have never dated across borders so I didn’t have the comparative benefits with say Ugandans, Caucasians, Hispanics or other nationalities.

In partial fulfillment of this project, yesterday I sat on Mama Ngina Street and observed Kenyan gals strut their stuff as they left their offices for home after 5. I was hoping that the sight will jog my mind to come up with an overriding description of Kenyan gals.

I was not very lucky. The only conclusion was that Kenyan gals are blessed with ample bottoms and nice boobs. That is not a national personality. Is it?

The next endeavor was to go home and relive all the dating experiences I have had with various girls, recall all that my female friends have divulged to me of their expectations of boyfriends, their general (mis)demeanor and their dating dreams. That was better. I had to extend my TOR though, in case some other foreigner will look for the same or more, they will find it in a click.

After reading my findings, I knew I will make many enemies with the Kenyan female species but I could not help, intellectual integrity demands brutal honesty.

Looks

Kenyan gals are generally plump, medium in height, dark in shade, sizeable boobs and generous bums. Most of them will not skip any article titled ‘how to lose weight’ but it is evident that few have ever taken any step to shed the extra pounds. Weight notwithstanding, they are very beautiful pieces of creation.

Language

English, Swahili and Mother tongue. The accents vary depending on their first languages. Nairobirds usually are articulate and fluent in English.

Career

Career focused and independent. Rural folks display house wife tendencies. Marriage age range from 24 to 30 years in urban areas. Most opt for marriage, a minority prefer being single. Wife initiated divorce is rare unless the husband become broke. There is a general belief in men providing in marriage thus income levels dictate the choice of husband, Caucasians being the most preferred option.

Most Nairobirds spend their time scouring dating sites looking for western dates. Some hover around tourist hotels trying their luck. Some display their wares in Facebook, Tagged, plentyoffish.com and afrointroductions hoping a Caucasian punter will chance by. Age is not a factor when it comes to whites. It is not uncommon to spot a doting septuagenarian tugging a shameless teenager on Kenyan streets.

Education

Majority are educated to college and degree levels. However, they are scantily informed on national and international issues. Beyond academic needs, few Kenyan women can be spotted with a book. They sometimes read old magazines. Some carry novels for the prestige that come with a reading gal.

Hobbies

Drinking, listening to R n B, going to church (though they are hardly spiritual, they go to church out of fear rather than faith) and watching Nigerian and Mexican tele-novellas. Forget what they write as hobbies in social networking sites, they do little of those.

Materialism

They work hard for money while hoping to one day land a rich dude who will buy them a car and a house in Runda. A Kenyan chick will not think twice before dumping a boyfriend for greener pastures.

The thigh lever of a Kenyan gal is coin-operated!

Temperament

More aggressive than most of their African counterparts

Social life

They love clubbing and socializing. The dress code is more conservative than their East African counterparts in clubs.

Permissiveness

If a husband or a boyfriend is financially stable, then they can be the most faithful creatures after the dog, however, they would not shy away from a fling/infidelity if the price is right.

Sexual orientation

99% are straight. The remainder is shared between lesbians and bis.

Bed time

Tend to be conservative, traditional and unadventurous. Generally lousy but responsive to a few extra acts. For them, sex is a science not an art.

Drugs

Hard drugs, NO. Drinking, Yes. Smoking, rare.

Protected sex

Not so keen about it. Dare-devils.

Fashion

Less skimpy (occasionally you can spot some cleavages and tight asses). No minis. Simply unfashionable.

Miscellaneous

Loose, loving, jealous, submissive, good housekeepers, terrible cooks, motherly, and talkative.

(Anything left or overstated? drop a comment!)